The freaks who inspire me

• 06:08 never nice to be awoken by a screaming kindergartner.... #
• 08:20 UP is on the syncd to the ipod and we are ready to drive up to San Francisco! I wonder how crazy busy California academy of sciences will be #
• 19:08 had a long busy day with cal academy of sciences, a hair cut for Darci, and a meeting, glad to be home, but a good day! #

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Today I gave my first injection to a live patient (we have been practicing on dummies, but it is not the same.) It was 4000 units = 1 ml of Epogen given subcutaneously with a TB syringe, in the upper right abdominal region. I have to admit I was terrified, and to be honest, the patient wasn't to thrilled either. We got through it however and I managed to administer the medication without causing any kind of damage so... I am calling it a win. (Also I am kinda tickled in a drug snob sort of way, that my first shot was a drug that is neat and unusual instead of something more common like Insulin or Heparin.)
Yesterday I changed a colostomy bag for the first time, and the week before that I suctioned a trachea. I think I may be beginning to FEEL like a nurse. This feeling has a lot to do with being confident in your own skills and I have to say that actually Performing the skills I need to learn, is helping a lot in the confidence department.
I am sure that there will be a lot more little “firsts” while I am in school and I certainly am enjoying the frequency of them at this point. I am growing, it feels good.

On another note, I need more yoga. My practice is better now than it was, say... over the summer, but it is clear that in order to maintain the daily pace of nursing I am going to need to love my body a little more, and for me that means yoga. Yoga centers, balances, stretches and strengthens me sooo I had better get back to it.

• 00:42 ugh finished my little illusion knitting project and I can't find a darnned yarn needle anywhere! grrrrrr #
• 01:19 painstakingly did her yarn ends with a crochet hook, bleh. BEDTIME! g'night! #
• 08:01 @mamikaze on the right side there's ads but not in the top of the page #
• 08:42 is thinking her next project should be an advent calender... that'd be fun, and we'd use it every year :D #
• 10:40 so um... how does an advent calender work? might be important in knowing for making it, it's 1-25 and you count backwards from 25 or from 1? #
• 10:44 got the workings of an advent calender TY, now to add cables or not and make it black background with Christmas colored pockets, or rainbow? #
• 21:01 Watching avideo on extrapyramidal symptoms yippie! #

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What I really WANT to do with the rest of my afternoon: Go to salon, sit in big vibrating chair, get a manicure and hand massage.

What I really SHOULD do with the rest of my afternoon/evening: Work on the mountain of drug cards and the new Care Plan due in the morning.

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• 09:33 @ROC119 you could have emailed me your remediation and I would have turned it in for you. #
• 10:40 is very upset that she was ALMOST done with the noro scarf and now has to tear out like hours of work because of a mistake!!! UGH :( #
• 11:13 Is sitting in class waiting for a stupied not sure if it's mandatory meeting. I had to make a special trip here and the lady isn't even here #
• 16:49 Riley just bit his sister VERY hard :( sheesh thought we were past that phase :( #
• 20:02 whooohooo the noro scarf is DONE! yay..... now I need to consider christmas present knitting.... #
• 22:15 is getting some Edward and Bella in while knitting away.... being totally homework irresponsible tonight, but loving it. #
• 23:45 num num num kettle corn midnight snack #

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I have spent 12 straight hours at the hospital, most of which was sitting on the floor outside the ICU crying my eyes out while they would not let me in to see him and very carefully skirted the, "If he's doing fine then why isn't he out yet?" question.

More later, but for now here's the reader's digest version:
Out of surgery and stable following an absolute clusterfuck. They fed him tons of morphine - then OD'd him. The man has the constitution of a five year old, but is 6'4" so everyone thinks he can take ten times as much.
He wasn't breathing well, they kept having to wake him because every time he fell asleep he'd stop breathing entirely. When I finally saw him he was on oxygen, with a fever, high BP and totally delusional - but, better by the time I left. If he does well he can come home tomorrow evening. If not they'll keep him until he's stable and as long as he keeps breathing.

Of note: while high as a kite he tells great jokes. None of which he will remember.

Yesterday was the farewell party for a good friend of mine. He has cystic fibrosis, and after the latest bout of H1N1 almost killed him, he's been approved, or moved up, or something... and he's going across the country for a lung transplant.
In his words, he'll either come back "with new lungs, or in a body bag". He threw a big bash with everyone to see him off.

The whole evening was fantastic - it always is with his gatherings. I spent half the night sitting in the entry way with some old girlfriends, two of whom were already quite drunk upon arrival, laughing so hard we were crying. Highlights included conversations about our awesome Fluevog shoes and Net's ability to scratch her name into her arm, which I revealed is called "dermographia". T quipped that it sounded like a superhero, which prompted a series of absolutely ridiculous - but oh-so hilarious - jokes.

When James had to return to the hospital we went off in different directions. I went to a pub with the girls (via cab), and texted Curtis from a stall in the ladies room with, "I have no idea where I am, but 'Eye of the Tiger' is playing in the bathroom". It was followed by a series of increasingly less comprehensible messages over the course of the evening. Curtis saved a few to show me later. The only one I can figure out said something about using coasters.
I've only been drunk twice in my life, and both times with these girls; they're becoming a bad influence.

Somehow I managed to not to have a most epic hangover today, and for that I'm thankful.... but also mystified.

Earlier this afternoon I picked James up from his house and drove him out to this awesome park filled with craggy trees and moss-covered rocks. The whole aura is so dramatic - I love it. We planned it for the perfect time of day: right at sunset. I had a few ideas I didn't do because I was nervous as all hell (for some reason?...), but I'm thrilled with what I have. I just need to keep working on that confidence thing, which is especially worse with friends.
We spent the whole time chatting about online love and gaming. Absolute geekery in its natural habitat.

I pulled out my favourites as soon as I got home and spent an entire movie night sitting on the couch working on them.
















Come home safe, James.

---

Curtis' surgery is tomorrow morning.
I am absolutely fucking terrified. It has become a forbidden topic in the house - any time it passes through my mind for a moment, I can feel the adrenaline surging through my chest.

Ironically, tomorrow is also a DITL day, and I think I'm going to actually bring my camera with me all day so I have something else to focus on and "do" during the long periods where I'm waiting and waiting... I need something to do that doesn't involve pacing outside the OR waiting room, wishing they had an operating theatre. As horrible as that sounds, I think I'd feel much much better about it all if I could watch.

Dad is driving down to hold my hand. He'll arrive at the hospital shortly after Curtis goes under. Curtis and I need to be there, and ready, by 6am... and with the cleansing ritual he has to do prior to arriving we'll have to get up around 4:30 in order to make it on time. I don't think I'll sleep at all. It's almost midnight as I write this and I've already spent the last three hours in a constant state of panic - I don't think I'll miraculously become calm any time soon.
Curtis gave me a handful of pharmaceuticals in hopes one of them, or a combination, would do something to help me sleep for at least two hours, but I have little confidence that I'll be out more than a moment or two.

I love him so much it hurts me.

• 07:02 12am- 7am with only one 3omin wake up, not bad!! #
• 07:39 cats like balls of yarn, they should knit! -Darci #
• 15:55 Well both classes are canceled tommarrow hopefully I can use the day and get caught up on things! Sad reason though teachers brother died:( #
• 17:03 Loves her mommy who is making a second vegetarian quiche just for me! Yummy! #
• 17:58 Knitting away on my noro scarf, getting close to being done! Waiting for yummy quiche. Good evening, now if only the kids would behave. #
• 21:13 had a great evening at the parents, gotta finish that scarf still. fully belly of quiche yum yum!! #
• 22:05 is falling asleep at her computer, the cure for insomnia? homework! #
• 22:48 ahhhhhh a nice piping hot leave you red 40 minute shower, I don't do these long showers often but when I do heaven! #

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Second: justgrl	Third: purerandomness

Tomorrow Monday, November 9th is ditl day! The theme is "MODERN". Theme participation is optional.

I'm not a scammer. No not at all.


Who in their right mind would buy from this chick?

• 02:28 insomnia sucks! after 3.5 hours of sleep I'm wide awake and bored and can't fall back asleep :( #
• 04:55 why arn't people online and talking at 5am doesn't any one else have insomnia!!! #
• 05:30 knitting a pair of boobie socks and listening to my random shuffle of itunes music. #
• 06:12 it's getting light out and my alarm goes off in 45 minutes....... ugh. #
• 06:48 giving up on the sleep thing, alarm goes off in 15 min anyways going to go take a shower. #
• 11:00 is off to her cohorts garage/bake sale (local- stop by St. Bede's Church, 2650 Sand Hill Road in Menlo Park) to earn funds for graduation! #
• 21:46 "sane people scare me" -my little bro (HA! and you thought I'd forget!) #
• 23:08 is trying to upload photos from today's garage sale but facebook isn't cooperating bah! I'm going to head to bed I'm tired. #
• 23:21 never mind just as I gave up it let me upload pics, but I will wait till tomorrow to tag. Need to do me some ati remediation, bleh! #

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I have had some pretty amazing evenings lately... it is keeping me sane during this last 6 week sprint to the finish line of the semester. Thursday evening I had dinner with some very old and beloved friends (and some new friends too), the kind of people with whom one feels completely at home with no matter how much time has passed. Again... it feeds me.
Then last night Max made up a brilliant Shabbat dinner and some of his classmates came over to enjoy it with us. (See his LJ entry for food details) The company was smart and sassy and a whole lot of fun.
Which leads me to today and tomorrow in which I work for one of my favorite people. L, my client makes having a job while going to school livable, and most days really enjoyable.
Oh and one more... Deb, my little sister and BFF called around 8 tonight to ask Max and I to come over for Hot Tubbing... we giggled and soaked and then splashed each other and now I am all relaxed and sleepy for bed.
I am blessed. I have really great people.
Thank you

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I met someone who felt the same way, but I remember him more for being strong enough to change. From him I learned that people are more than their mistakes.


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Many years ago, an older man that I trusted had inappropriate sexual contact with me. Twelve years of therapy and a suicide attempt later, and I still live with it every day.

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• 00:45 ok ok ok I'm going to bed time to wake up in 4 hours, owch. #
• 01:01 @noonle isn't the touch tons of fun?!?!?! #
• 05:55 is awake and moving almost ready to leave for another day in paradise at stanford's lock down psyche unit. #
• 19:42 OMG the belly dance class at 24hr is amazing! She combines egyptian belly dance with african dance. I'm going to be sore tommarrow! #
• 22:03 in one month and 20 days (or 50 days) I have lost 22lbs :) that makes me happy. #

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• 06:57 Good Morning! Darci wakes up and tells me that we should get a big plastic bag, put her new quilt inside that, & use it as a picnic blanket #
• 12:29 did centers at Darci's school for the second day in a row, yay parent hours, I'm beat I don't know how teachers do that full time! #
• 21:57 leaving for clinical at 6 am..... I might be a little crazy that early in the AM #
• 23:00 is getting sleepy... more psyche care plan to write but maybe I should sleep since I have such an early wake up and haven't been sleeping... #
• 23:18 is distracted from homework and sleep by scholastic book club order and 24 hr fitness's class schedule, they added a belly dance class sweet #

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